To The Faithful

Its been a long time.... I really didn't intend for this much time to go by. But a week faded into a month, and then a month or two went by. I bet there are some out there who don't even bother to come here anymore to see if I've updated, because they have given up on me ever returning, believing I have let this Green Eyed View fall into the shadows of blogging past.

So this post is dedicated to the faithful few who still come to view my View in hopes that maybe one of these days I will come out of blogging retirement. Thank you for your faithfulness. My hat goes off to you [if I actually wore a hat, that is...].

Its a late night for me. I can't sleep. So you will have to excuse my random thoughts. I thought I'd share a few:

Sometimes I wish life was scripted. I think I would find conversations much easier if I knew what my next line was was going to be, and could have advance notice of the direction the other person[s]'s lines were going to take. I don't deny that I feel very inadequate in regards to verbal communication. I don't feel like I am a good communicator. I feel awkward. I don't know how to respond sometimes. I don't have time to think my thoughts through before I am expected to respond. My thoughts come out of my mouth jumbled. I feel like I am stumbling and stuttering over every sentence. My sentences don't come out of my mouth the way that I thought them in my head. And so on. However, I must say, with recent practice and help, I think I am getting a tad bit better. Much thanks to my helper/ teacher. Thanks for enjoying talking, and for being so good at it.

Does life ever slow down?? I mean, seriously! For the past, oh I don't know, 2 or so years now, I keep thinking, "Oh when this happens, things will slow down", or "When I get past this [season, event, holiday, project, set period of time, etc.], life will get simplier and ease up a bit", or "Maybe when I hit this age, it will all get much slower and I will have time to do this, this, and this". But, none of these things ever happen. When I thought that when the fall was over things would slow down, then winter came and things were busy again. The same thing happened with spring, then this summer, and now fall is almost back around and I think it will be just as busy, just in a different way. Its always busy in a different way. There is always another "season", always another "event", always another..."another". There are things that I so want to focus on, that I feel I can't focus on, until "life slows down". But I am realizing its probably not going to, so when can I focus? Ok, so I am getting a little dramatic here [big surprise]. Prehaps I am not as busy as I think; maybe its just time management that I need to work on. That wouldn't be a surprise.

Why is it that insomnia hits me at the most inopportune times? Its always when I feel like I need sleep the most, haha. I know I will be very tired tomorrow. I will not want to get out of bed. My morning schedule will be cut short as I try to pare it down to "what absolutely needs to be done in order to get ready, and not a thing more". My morning routine will suffer, and I will suffer from cutting down my morning routine. There is a chance I will have a case of the grumpies in the morning. Even now, I know I am tired. My eyes are feeling heavy, and my body is aching for rest. But as soon as the light officially goes out, my mind starts running a marathon of thoughts. It. Won't. Shut. Down. It has to rehash much of the day, every detail of my evening with mi novio [which was quite delightful, I might add... :)], play through a few "daydream" stories which will probably involve a combination of car chases, secret agents, missionaries, secret Portuguese Royalty and/or abductions [I have an extremely overactive imagination...], and go through a few to-do list and calendaring items that I have on my docket for the next week or so. I will toss and turn and pray for sleep [beg God for it]. This has all happened before. It used to be a "once in a blue moon" event. Not so much anymore. I feel like my insomnia is getting more frequent. This will be the second or third time in a 2 week period, I believe. I think I need to change my daytime schedule and routine in order to make sleep more possible at night. Maybe....eat better? Drink more water? Exercise regularly? I don't know..... Those are things I want to do. I have no clue if they will help my sleep pattern. Just thoughts. Random, muddled thoughts coming from a mind that is up past 12 am......