TTGBITN: Chapter 5: ROUSs [for you non Princess Bride fans, Rodents of Unusual Size

The Green Eyed View is proud to bring you the FINAL Chapter to Things that Go Bump in the Night. Be sure to catch up on Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, and Chapter 4 before reading this exciting finale.

By this time, it was late. I was exhausted. I turned off all the lights and lay down in my bed. I am almost asleep when the unthinkable occurs. SCRATCH, SCRATCH, SCRATCH. Nooooooooooooo! What is this? The Flying Circus??!! A cruel, sick joke??!! Well, by that time, I was beyond boiling anger. I was out of sticky traps. I kicked off my sheets, pulled a sweatshirt and shoes on, and drove, steaming, to Wal-mart, thankful that it is open 24 hours. Luckily, I didn’t get a very chipper employee in the check out line. I don’t think I would have been able to handle that very well. Upon my return home, I put out both traps and lay down to wait. Amazingly, my wait was not long. About 5 minutes after setting the traps, I hear a scuffling and a squeak. I couldn’t believe I had caught something so quickly!! This time, the culprit was in the storage area under the window seat. I quickly crawled over and opened the door. There, struggling violently, was the Granddaddy of All Flying Squirrels. I mean, this was the BIGGEST freaking flying squirrel I have seen to this point. The others had been minuscule in comparison. I think this must have been Momma to the 3 babies I had dealt with previously. This ROUS was barely contained in the layer of goo to which it was affixed. My heart started pounding as an uncontrolled screech made its way out of my throat. WHAT was I supposed to do???! I didn’t want to go anywhere near Big Momma. But something had to be done. I was so afraid ROUS was going to free herself from the goo at any moment. I had a problem. I needed a solution. So….I got highly creative.

Duct Tape. Duct Tape was the answer. Duct tape is the solution to anything. It holds the universe together.

I donned a pair of thick rubber gloves from the kitchen for protection. I gingerly picked up the trap with one hand, and almost dropped it because ROUS began to jerk aggressively against the goo. I grabbed a trusty roll of duct tape, and…..prepare yourselves, the next act is not pretty…….began to wrap it around the trap and ROUS. I did. I admit it. I used Duct Tape to secure a Very Large Flying Squirrel to a Glue Trap. Then I put ROUS in a trash bag. Again with the duct tape. I wrapped the tape several times around the squirrel filled trash bag. Then I put that bag into another trash bag. I began to laugh. This was crazy. I was crazy. But I instinctively knew that I had nabbed the last of the squirrels. I was positive that the bag in my hand contained the last of a small family of flying squirrels. And so, I was elated.

I had to share my victory. Yeah, sure, it was after 2 in the morning. But that didn’t matter. Clutching the bag in my hand, I practically skipped next door to the CCF Girl’s Intern house [home of Bubbewrap Girl, and temporary nest of Mother Hen]. I paused outside, unsure of how to rouse anyone to the door. I started by tapping gently on the front door, knowing that Mother Hen was in the living room on the couch. No answer. Tapped some more. No answer. Then I decided to go to BWG’s window to see if I could wake her up without scaring the bejeezes out of her. By this time I am giggling uncontrollably at the absurdity of what I was doing. But I couldn’t help it; I had to share the joy. So I tapped several times on her window, first gently, then a bit louder each time. Finally, the blinds moved and I saw her peeking out incredulously at me. I grinned sheepishly, and held up the bag while pointing in the general direction of the door. She, along with Mother Hen answered the door with a worried, “Are you ALRIGHT!??” I grinned, and, through my still uncontrolled giggling [keep in mind I am VERY sleep deprived], hold up my bag. “I got it!” I giggled. “Got what?” “The squirrel. I caught the squirrel!!!”

I think I was hoping for more of a response than I received. They weren’t nearly as excited as I was. Sure, it was late, and yes, I woke them up out of a dead sleep, and probably scared BWG, but come on!!! I caught the ROUS! The big one! I, Sarah J., made the world [a.k.a. my apartment] a safer place for future generations. Let’s jump for joy here! DANCE OF JOY!

OK, so maybe I should’ve waited until the morning….

I let them go back to bed, and the Duct Taped ROUS was deposited in the trash pile. Then it was finally bed time for me. I lay awake for a while, just listening to the golden silence. Ahhhh. What a night! What a Series of Events over the past months!

Mother Hen still did not move home for a while [no clue why…], and I thoroughly enjoyed many sleep-filled nights free of scratching and squealing snores. Later that that semester, we were able to use our Flying Squirrel Incident to our advantage in getting out of our lease for the summer. Our landlord was very sympathetic to our plight… eventually, after much haggling... he he he.

In the retelling of my story shortly after it happened, I was informed several times that I might have been able to make a profit by selling the Flying Squirrels to a pet store. Apparently there are people who enjoy having them as pets. I guess I can see why. They are kind of cute. When they are in a cage.