TTGBITN: Chapter 4- Operation: Extermination

Thank you for joining in on the fourth installment of Things That Go Bump in the Night. Be sure to read up on Chapter 1, Chapter 2, and Chapter 3 if you missed them.

I had one sticky trap left. I wasn’t sure if the scratching I was hearing was the Flying New Beast or one of his friends. I even had a thought that I could be dealing with the same squirrel the whole time. That somehow that first Beast got loose of his goo prison, chewed through the trash bag and got back in our house. And maybe New Beast was in fact the first Beast, and he was back to his scratching in my wall. Of course, these thoughts came from a mind that had been deprived of much sleep of late, so the Squirrel Conspiracy Theory probably can’t be trusted. But it doesn’t matter. I was bound and determined to find, remove, and, at this point, destroy, any and all causers of scratching noises. And I hit pay dirt.

My faithful sticky trap caught yet another flying rodent. How many squirrels can possibly take up residence in one home??? I still harbored slight misgivings that I had seen this squirrel before, and so I wasn’t going to take any chances on this one getting away. After he had been tied securely in a black trashbag, I was at a loss on how to ensure that this Hellion would not get away. I didn’t want to meet this squirrel again. So, then the unthinkable happened. I snapped. And what followed was a series of acts that I am not proud of, acts of Extreme Violence towards my prisoner.

I decided that in order to guarantee the Hellion would not come back into my life, that he must meet his end. But how to do this? How does a gentle soul attempt to intentionally exterminate the life of a furry creature that would have been thought adorable by this soul had she seen it on The Animal Planet’s The Jeff Corwin Experience? The answer was two simple words: Road. Kill.

I decided that my car must be used as the means to the end of the Hellion's life. With shaking hands, I placed the trash bag behind the rear tire of my car. I slowly made my way to the driver's seat, my breathing labored as I struggled internally with what I was about to do. I began praying, alternatively asking for forgiveness and pleading over why it HAD to be done. Once the car started, I gritted my teeth, closed my eyes and slowly back out of my driving space. I sighed heavily and got out of the car to check the outcome.

The stinking bag had shifted!!!! As my rear tire was making contact with the garbage sack, the air in the sack caused the bag to shift out from under the tire. I shake the bag a little to make sure; and yep, it starts rustling from the Hellion still captive inside. Resolved now in my mission, I shoved the bag tightly behind the tire, wedging a piece of it firmly underneath. I am starting to tear up at this point, whimpering because I really do not enjoy having to squish a living animal. Still shaking, I once again gritted my teeth, closed my eyes, and exhaled a shaky breath as I slowly backed the car up. I jumped out of the car to see 'wha’ happened' [;-)]…….FOILED AGAIN! The bag indeed had been driven over, but the trap inside, with the Hellion firmly attached, had shifted so it was not under the tire. Well, now I am crying [looking back I don’t know why…guilt, maybe??]. I stand there in my driveway, holding the twitching trash bag, helpless as how to deal with the situation. In desperation, I grab my trusty broom and begin beating the living daylights out the bag, and the Hellion inside, with the handle. Yes, I know. I already mentioned I had snapped. I truly mean: I. Had. Snapped. I whacked the trash bag over and over like a crazy person, and finally tossed it in the trash pile beside the road. I didn’t check to see the outcome of Hellion. At this point I did not care. He is either dead, or unconscious. Either way, he was traumatized beyond the ability to remove himself from his prison, in my thinking.

The adrenaline was pumping. I felt strangely satisfied. I won. I fought the Hellion, and I won. Not the Hellion, or the New Beast, or the Beast. Me. I could sleep scratch free.

How was I to know my night was not over. No, not by a long shot....

The final installment of Things That Go Bump in the Night will be coming soon to The Green Eyed View nearest you!